I Thought i already got over all this... but... i never know that when she told me that she got someone else in her mind now. and i can't take that feeling. why? can someone tell me why? i know is a bit weird of that feeling... but is just that i can't seems to know how to react. nor just ask me to reply. maybe my EQ is not that high as i expect it is. too much of feeling had been put in? i don't know. but is just that i can't even smile and laugh or cry or angry right now. totally emotionless.
maybe is just me? that i put too much of feeling in it? or maybe i thought she's the one that i want to marry? or maybe is my ego that can't let go? why? a lot of changes happen to me recently... from a heavy smoker, heavy drinker, swearing king, clubber, junk food eater. and right now i turn to be a a non smoker, non drinker, don't swear, don't club, no junk food and i even go church.
change for someone that you like or love is perfectly ok. but while come and think about it... is it worth it? i don't know. being myself? i tried to be myself as much as i possible can. because she say that i got too many things hiding.
the feeling of brokenness is totally hitting on me. should i press all this feeling down? or should i let it go in anyway? feel like dissapearing for a while. but where else can i go? i need to finish my diploma... concentrate on my studies? i don't even know how to do that now. should i continue going to church? if i do i'll see her. i can't bare myself to see her with another guy.
is it my fault? God give me this plan that i don't even know how to go with it...
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