Something Worth Me To Fight For

All this while i guess i have the "BAD BOY" look and also some crazy attitude. But... recently i found someone that can make me change my attitude and also fight for my future. Melaine you are my all and also my everything now.

Without you i guess i'm still blurry in my life and i have no idea on what i want to do with it too. maybe is just because i too lazy to care and bother about some other things in my life.

Now i have you. i promise you that i will fight for the future that we both having now. treating you as my queen and princess is my main goal for now. by having that kind of target i guess i need to fight more in my life. faster finish up my studies and than having a better future with you.

Every time i saw a cut on your finger it seems like a cut in my heart. as "taufu" hand as you be i know but that is just hard for me to accept the fact of you are hurt. i might be the most perfect boyfriend in your life but i'm hoping that i do at least pass everyday when i'm with you.

Baby, i hope you are reading this and i'm really glad and happy that i can be with you. By the way... i'm baking a 3 layer cheese cake for your birthday. hope you like and enjoy it ok??? i love you...

Love? What It Means By That???

Everyday we hear and we use the word of LOVE... But do anyone know what the heck it means by LOVE?

"Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way."

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love."

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs."

"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don’t yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings."

"Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired."

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

"Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."

"When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you’re scared they won’t love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only do they still love you, they love you even more."

"There are two kinds of love: Our love and God’s love. But God makes both kinds of them."

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore."

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

And Blah Blah Blah... The List Go On...

For me... it's easy... love for me is just a feeling toward someone that you feel comfortable with... example: friends, family, God, your beloved girlfriend/boyfriend.... but than how do we know the feeling of comfortable? i don't know... don't use your brain to think how to be comfortable... use your heart... sometimes we heard a thing call "Scare To Love"... wow... How could someone scare of LOVE??? Or even some that i heard recently... "Scare Of Getting In Relationship"??? Why scare??? Is it because that when everything come to LOVE means everything goes wrong and bad??? or scare that what will happen in the future that we don't even know???

BULL SHIT... When it comes to LOVE... Don't think so much... Just go for it... Example me and my girlfriend... Although we just been through like 2 months... Yet we seems like know each other pretty well... Why??? Loving someone is not scary... Loving someone and being with them is a happy thing... Try and enjoy the ride while you can... We are HUMAN.... Not God... We cannot predict what will happen to us tomorrow or even the next second of our life... We don't control out life... God does... So what we can do in our life now is just have fun with it... don't regret it...

Conclusion for this blog... Mr.L... Do something to the person that mean something to you... Don't think too much... I know the person well enough to say that you would regret if you don't say it to her.... It's hard for us HUMAN to find the love of our life.... maybe is short or maybe is long... just make every single one of it counts...

my beloved girlfriend post... XP

This is a Blog that i want to dedicate to my beloved girlfriend. Thank you for being with me and also i'm glad that you are with me... praying and wishing hard that both of our relationship will last till forever. A lot of people said that there are no forever... BULL SHIT... Tell that to some old couple that got married for over 60 years.. until the day they die they are still holding hand... what do that mean??? XP... hahaha... Bi... If you are reading this blog of mine... This is what i want to tell you "i love you!!!"... And i did not forget our 1 month anniversary... i don't know what to give you as a present for this event... so i guess the best present to give you is to give you my heart... Promise me don't drop it and don't lost it... ok? i miss you...

john mayer- heart of life.mp3 -

Another Episode Of Love...

Wow... It's been a while that i haven been logging in to my blog and man... i forgot my own password! stupid am i? Anyway, that's not the main point why i login to my blog. Main point is, today 13.05.09 7.15pm. a day that i will remember because i confess to a girl without fear in my heart.

Knowing that is not such a big a deal for someone... but for me IT IS!!! What's wrong with it??? Someone told me once that if i don't try, i'll never win! If i try, at least i'll get a 50-50 chance... So this time, I seriously go for it.

You all know what's the result i get? she's kinda agree with what i said. and also she is giving me a chance to do so. i'm happy... i'm dead happy... super happy~! her classmates is teasing her nicely and i'm happily listening to it and also glad to know that too. :) Wow isn't it? hehe...

For everyone that are reading this text... there are a lesson that i can give you all... tell your partner or the person that you love or even the person that i love from behind... tell them directly that you like them. see how they react over it! maybe is a good sign and maybe is a bad sign. don't worry about it... if is fated to be together, you will be together!!!

God bless everyone and have a nice day ahead of you all. ciao~!

What Is Love???

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

What is LOVE?

LOVE is when you can say to someone,"I Love You"
LOVE is when you get to hold someone's hands.
LOVE is when you can talk on the phone for hours.
LOVE is when you give a hug to someone.
LOVE is when you got to accompany her for shopping for hours.
LOVE is when you give someone a massage.
LOVE is when you show someone you care!
LOVE is a good feeling.
LOVE is emotional and sweeps me off my feet!
LOVE is unexceptionably magical!
LOVE is laughing and crying together.
LOVE is buying presents.
LOVE is carrying each other's burden.
LOVE is lending someone your shoulder!
LOVE is generous!
LOVE is trans-ethnicity!
LOVE is trans-geographical!
LOVE is trans-generational!
LOVE is color-blind.
LOVE is food to the soul!

This is something that really makes me feel that love is in the air. although i am single right this moment. That makes me feel that i'm ready to get into love again. Pastor Was right on this because all this goes to 1 meaning.

LOVE GIVES. LOVE SACRIFICES.

Sacrifices yourself to the relationship is something sounds easy and hard to everyone. Not everyone can do that. A lot of human can be a good Lover. But now a good Keeper. And i'm one of it. Keeping a relationship running is harder to make a relationship start. For my record, the longest relationship i had before, 6 months. End with pain. I Don't have God in my life back than.

But right now, i uphold myself to God and i know that God will provide me with someone that is right for me by time is correct. And i know, with God help i can and i will make my relationship stay longer and maybe forever till the point i got married and live until the last day of my life. Nobody will read my blog but who cares. is just a place that i can release my thoughts and feeling.

If there are someone that is reading this. Leave me a comment. As random as you can be. Thanks. And God bless you all...

unexplainable feeling...

I Thought i already got over all this... but... i never know that when she told me that she got someone else in her mind now. and i can't take that feeling. why? can someone tell me why? i know is a bit weird of that feeling... but is just that i can't seems to know how to react. nor just ask me to reply. maybe my EQ is not that high as i expect it is. too much of feeling had been put in? i don't know. but is just that i can't even smile and laugh or cry or angry right now. totally emotionless.

maybe is just me? that i put too much of feeling in it? or maybe i thought she's the one that i want to marry? or maybe is my ego that can't let go? why? a lot of changes happen to me recently... from a heavy smoker, heavy drinker, swearing king, clubber, junk food eater. and right now i turn to be a a non smoker, non drinker, don't swear, don't club, no junk food and i even go church.

change for someone that you like or love is perfectly ok. but while come and think about it... is it worth it? i don't know. being myself? i tried to be myself as much as i possible can. because she say that i got too many things hiding.

the feeling of brokenness is totally hitting on me. should i press all this feeling down? or should i let it go in anyway? feel like dissapearing for a while. but where else can i go? i need to finish my diploma... concentrate on my studies? i don't even know how to do that now. should i continue going to church? if i do i'll see her. i can't bare myself to see her with another guy.

is it my fault? God give me this plan that i don't even know how to go with it...

Stone Heart

Yea... I do have a stone heart. hiding a lot of secret and also hiding a lot of things in my life. been broken down almost all the time, but who cares... right? i am what i am. God knows me. the one and only one that knows me well enough is God. right? i'm not trying to be negative over here. but is just too much...

Been betray, been stab at the back, been untrusted, been put aside, all this SHIT happens. betray by a person that i consider close with me. stab me from behind and scare i won't die. been untrusted by the person i like, untrusted by family. putting aside all my assignment by classmates. all this SHIT... Pastor use to teach us THINK HOW. but it seems like i unable to think how or should i say unable to think at all.

been left alone in assignment that needed at least 4 person to fulfill it is suffering. a lot more jobs have to be done. i know when i concentrate i can finish it by a split second but it seems like i can't concentrate at all. too much had happen and can't seem to work it out.

too much of secret,
too much not to get shared by people.
too much stress,
too much to realize it.
too much of tiredness,
too much of releasing it.
too much of pressure,
too much to depressing it.
too much of work,
too much for me to fulfill it.

Human.... Attitude Disgust Me...!!!